Fairy-metal-tale
Muzica e ceea ce ma reprezinta, as putea spune ca in proportie de 80%. Ca si genurile pe care le ascult, si eu sunt un amalgam – de stari, de trasaturi, de intensitati, de trairi, de senzatii, de preferinte. Ce ascult eu in mod obisnuit? Pai, ia sa vad…daca ar fi sa fie un cocktail, ar fi unul format in cea mai mare parte din rock, amestecat cu muzica clasica, presarat pe deasupra cu folk, stropit cu trip-hop, jazz si pop si decorat cu o felie mare de muzica traditionala irlandeza, islandeza si medievala. [Asta e cocktail-ul de baza – ca in orice meniu, mai exista multe alte sortimente]
In cea mai mare parte a timpului, sunt o persoana “serioasa”, daca ma vede cineva nu isi da seama ce muzica ascult pana nu aude bass-ii sau ritmul melodic ce rezoneaza cu putere din castile iRiver-ului meu vechi, dar trainic. Si atunci, inevitabil, urmeaza urmatoarea intrebare: “Dar tu asculti rock?”/”Vai, ce muzica ii asta?”/”Uai, nu stiam ca iti place rock-ul, chiar nu pari genul….”. Cu mici variatii 🙂 Si ce? Are cineva ceva impotriva? Ia, hai, sa va aud! Nu ati invatat pana acum ca aparentele insala si ca in spatele ingerasului inocent se ascunde un mic dracusor, in stare de amorteala si somnolenta? Sau ca si cel mai feroce “leu” e, in cea mai mare parte a timpului, un mielusel bland, care se da leu ca sa para si el mare si tare, sa nu sara lupii ai mai mari pe el si sa il pape? [Nu fac aluzie la mine, sa fie clar].
Unde voiam sa ajung, de fapt, e la o mica poveste, ce incepe cu “Once upon a time…” si care explica toata diferenta intre genurile rock-ului [ca multi intreaba si asta, care e diferenta, ca sunt enspe mii de genuri si de combinatii posibile]. Mai jos sunt genurile “de baza”, sa le zic asa, dar care pot da multe alte combinatii 🙂 Chiar, dupa ce veti citi povestea, marea mea curiozitate este daca va puteti da seama ce imi place sa ascult :)) [Asta ar fi interesat de vazut]. So, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy your reading [apropos, povestea e in engleza, asa ca cei care nu prea stiti…mult succes la descifrat 😉 ]
There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castleguarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights…
* POWER METAL The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
* THRASH METAL The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
* HEAVY METAL The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
* FOLK METAL The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave…….. without the princess.
* VIKING METAL The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
* DEATH METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
* BLACK METAL The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.
* GORE METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her.Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
* GRIND METAL The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves…
* DOOM METAL The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That’s the end of the sad story.
* GOTHIC METAL The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell’s eternity.
* PROGRESSIVE METAL The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess’ bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the ‘HEAVY METAL’ protagonist.
* INDUSTRIAL METAL The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
* SPEED METAL Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she’s been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.
* CHRISTIAN METAL The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to “thank” the protagonist he replies, “sorry, but I don’t believe in having sex before marriage.”
* GLAM METAL The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess’ make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
* BATTLE METAL The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.
* NU METAL The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
Eu am ras cu lacrimi la povestea asta [fara gluma, chiar mi-au dat lacrimile de la ras], asa ca ma gandesc ca va ganditi [ 🙂 ] ca melodiile in sine nu sunt asa 😛
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